Introduction

There was a time in my life when I held onto bitterness like a protective shield. I felt justified in my resentment because of the pain others caused me. But I didn’t realize unforgiveness was chaining me to the very pain I wanted to escape. I replayed the offense in my mind, sometimes daily. Each time, it robbed me of peace. Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer. It damages our physical health, our relationships, and our intimacy with God.

In the Bible, unforgiveness refers to refusing to release others from the debt of their harm. Harboring bitterness hinders growth and blocks the restoration of a relationship. Unforgiveness contradicts God’s grace and forgiveness. It is a sin that leads to self-inflicted torture and creates sickness in the body & soul.

When David held onto his sin, it robbed him of the joy of his salvation (Psalm 51:12). When he confessed his sin, he was changed from the inside out. The joy of his salvation was restored. His spirit became firmly committed to God. When I hold on to a grudge, it weighs heavily on my heart and clouds my connection with God. But when I choose to forgive, I feel a renewed closeness to Him and a surprising softness toward the person I once resented.

Studies from the Mayo Clinic and Harvard Medical School confirm what the Bible suggests: forgiving others can reduce anxiety, lower blood pressure, improve heart health, and strengthen relationships. But more than anything, forgiveness clears the way for us to experience God’s grace more fully. Jesus didn’t give us this command to burden us. He gave it to free us.

Listen to the advice Jesus might give to us today about forgiveness.

Jesus Speaks

My beloved, I understand the pain of betrayal, mockery, and mistreatment. I endured these things for you on the cross. As the pain pierced my body and the weight of the world’s sin pressed on my soul, I turned to those who crucified me and said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing (Luke 23:34)".

You might ask me, "How many times must I forgive?" Peter asked Me the same question. He suggested seven times might be enough. But I told him, "Not seven times, but seventy-seven times (Matthew 18:21-22)". Forgiveness is not about keeping score; it’s about losing count.

I shared a story about a servant who was forgiven a large debt. Then, he refused to forgive someone who owed him little. That servant didn’t understand the grace he had received (Matthew 18:23-35). Don’t be like him.

I taught you to pray, "Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors" (Matthew 6:12). If you forgive others when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your sins (Matthew 6:14-15). Forgiveness is not optional in My kingdom.

Follow My example and walk in the way of love as I love. Get rid of bitterness, rage, anger, brawling, and slander. Exchange malice for kindness and compassion. Forgive each other as through Me the Father forgives you (Ephesians 4:31-32).

Come to Me with your hurt, and I will heal you. Forgive as I have forgiven you. That is how My love will flow through you into a broken world.

Forever your Savior and Lord,

Jesus

Examples of how to Forgive Others

Following the commandment of Jesus in Matthew 18:21-22 to eliminate unforgiveness from your life is beneficial to you as well as to your offender. Here are some practical examples of how you can apply this teaching in your daily life:

• Release the Right to Revenge: The person you struggle to forgive may not know they offended you. Or, they might not agree with your assessment of the offense, and you may never get an apology. Forgiveness means you turn justice over to God. Do not take revenge yourself. It is God's responsibility to avenge if necessary (Romans 12:19). This act of surrender is not weakness—it is trusting God to do what is just and right in His perfect timing.

• Pray for clarity over the situation: Sometimes we are offended because we misunderstood a situation. Start by assuming the other person had the best intentions. Ask God to reveal the truth and help you see it through His eyes. Then, as Proverbs 3:5-6 says, trust in the clarity the Lord gives you rather than your own understanding. When we surrender our need to be right, God can lead us to clarity and peace.

• Pray for the Person Who Hurt You: It’s difficult to hate someone whom you are lifting up to God in prayer. Instead of praying that God will judge or fix them, pray that God will change your heart to see them the way He does. Jesus said in Matthew 5:44, "But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." When we pray with this posture, our hearts begin to align with His.

• Set Boundaries if Needed: Forgiveness doesn’t always mean reconciliation, especially in abusive situations. You can forgive while keeping a healthy distance. Scripture encourages wisdom and discernment in relationships. Proverbs 22:3 says, "The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty." Healthy boundaries are a way to walk in both forgiveness and wisdom.

• Confess Your Own Sin: Remembering how much you’ve been forgiven makes it easier to extend forgiveness to others. Jesus said in Luke 7:47, "Therefore I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little." When we reflect on our own need for grace, we are more willing to extend that grace to others.

• Write a Letter (Even if You Don’t Send It): Psalm 62:8 encourages us to pour out our hearts to God, who is our refuge. Pour out your hurt to God—be honest about your pain. Then, in His presence, make the choice to forgive. Even if your emotions haven’t caught up yet, your decision is a step of faith that invites healing to begin. In many cases, it won’t be appropriate—or even helpful—to share this letter with the person who hurt you. This practice helps you release the burden to the One who can carry it fully.

Jesus will help you see those who've offended you the way He sees them. He'll help you forgive them the way He forgives them.

References

Engstrom, Andrew,“Exercises in Forgiveness,” Seattle Christian Counseling, accessed May 22, 2025, https://seattlechristiancounseling.com/articles/exercises-in-forgiveness.

Gina Birkemeier, “Finding Freedom in Forgiveness: A Guide for the Grieving Heart,” Gina Birkemeier, accessed May 22, 2025, https://www.ginabirkemeier.com/blog/finding-freedom-in-forgiveness-a-guide-for-the-grieving-heart.

Kingdom benefits of forgiving others

Forgiveness is not only an act of obedience—it is an invitation into freedom. When we choose to forgive, we align ourselves with the heart of God and unlock a series of spiritual, emotional, and even physical blessings. These kingdom benefits extend beyond ourselves, often encompassing healing and restoration for others as well.

• Peace of Mind and Heart: God's peace can’t dwell where resentment takes root. That's why Hebrews 12:14-15 says, "Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy." When we release bitterness, we clear a place in our hearts for God’s peace to settle in. And, peacemakers will reap a harvest of righteousness (James 3:18).

• Restored Fellowship with God: When we hold onto unforgiveness, it clogs the line of communication between us and God. Our prayers feel hindered, and joy is stifled. Jesus taught that our forgiveness toward others is linked to the forgiveness we receive. While it doesn't affect our salvation, choosing not to forgive keeps us from fully experiencing the grace and joy God longs to pour into our lives. Jesus taught, "If you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins (Mark 11:25)."

• Healing in Relationships: Your decision to forgive can break the cycle of pain and open the door to healing. It creates space for God to begin mending what was broken—whether in your own heart, in the relationship, or in the lives of others watching your example of grace.

• Reap the fruit of a righteous life: James 3:18 states, "Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness." The fruit of righteousness is what you will gain when your faith in Jesus becomes visible through your actions. People will trust you and see you as a source of peace and wisdom. In your family, it may mean reconciliation and deeper connections. In your workplace, it can foster respect and influence. In your community, it can open doors for leadership and ministry. In business, this may result in more clients, stronger partnerships, and growth without striving, as if God Himself is doing your marketing. This is the fruit of living a righteous life: influence, integrity, peace, and favor wherever God has placed you.

• Freedom from the Enemy’s Grip: Satan thrives in division, feeding off bitterness and unresolved conflict to create distance between hearts. When we forgive, we block Satan's influence. Forgiveness silences his accusations, shuts the door to his schemes, and restores the unity he works so hard to destroy. Paul wrote, "Anyone you forgive, I also forgive... in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes (2 Corinthians 2:10–11)." Forgiveness is a spiritual weapon that dismantles Satan's plans and reclaims territory for God’s peace and love.

• A More Intimate Walk with Jesus: When you forgive, you are following the path Jesus walked. His path was marked by mercy, grace, and love. Each act of forgiveness brings you closer to His heart and reveals His presence more deeply in your life. Jesus said, "Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them (John 14:23)." Forgiveness is one of His teachings—and when you walk in it, you welcome deeper fellowship with Him.

• Emotional and Physical Renewal: Letting go of resentment and bitterness doesn’t just lighten your heart—it can also relieve stress, lower your blood pressure, and improve your overall well-being, as your body no longer carries the weight of chronic anger. Proverbs 14:30 affirms this connection, saying, "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." When forgiveness replaces resentment, both the body and soul are renewed.

• Healing for the Person You Forgive: Your act of forgiveness may bring unexpected healing to the one who hurt you. It can soften their heart, open the door to repentance, and allow God's grace to do transformative work in their life. Proverbs 25:21–22 speaks to this: "If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you." By returning good for evil, you acknowledge God as the arbiter of justice, trusting him to be the judge. Kindness shown through forgiveness can stir conviction and invite God's mercy to work in their life.

As we forgive, we reflect Christ’s character and walk more intimately with Him. It also shields us from the enemy’s schemes, renews our emotional and physical well-being, and can lead to breakthrough in the hearts of those we forgive. These benefits ripple outward—strengthening families, communities, and even businesses—with the fruit of righteousness and God's favor flowing through our lives.

Examine yourself

Unforgiveness can often hide behind justified emotions or painful memories. Are there hidden places where bitterness still lingers in your life? Are there opportunities to extend the same mercy Jesus extended to you? Here are some questions to help you examine whether you harbor unforgiveness toward others and how to follow Jesus' command to forgive others. Answer them honestly and prayerfully. Growth often begins with awareness.

• Is there someone whose name brings a sting of resentment when you hear it?

• Do you replay hurtful conversations or scenarios in your mind?

• Have you avoided someone instead of seeking healing?

• Are you waiting for an apology before you offer forgiveness?

• Have you asked Jesus to show you if there’s any bitterness hiding in your heart?

• Are there certain people you struggle to pray for because of past hurt?

• Do you feel a sense of superiority over someone who wronged you?

• Have you ever celebrated quietly when someone who hurt you faced hardship?

• Do you find it difficult to wish someone well because of what they did?

• Have you spoken negatively about someone repeatedly instead of seeking peace?

Closing Prayer

Jesus, thank You for forgiving me fully and freely. I didn’t deserve it, but out of Your goodness, You gave me unmerited grace. Help me do the same to others. Reveal to me any person I need to forgive. Heal the wounds in my heart. Empower me to let go of bitterness and entrust justice to You. Teach me to walk in Your mercy and love, so that I may reflect Your character to the world around me. Let forgiveness be the fragrance I leave behind wherever I go. In Your name, Amen.